I actually thought Planning and organising of the field day would elevate me to be seen as one of the best.I couldn't seem to break out from the middle of the pack,it was starting to affect my attitude towards the group.Being at the top is addictive and like Seinfield said about air tickets,once you fly first class,it's hard to go back to the coach.But I was stuck in the middle-seat smoking and it was starting to really frustrate me.
Adding to the dilemma was that Field day turned out okay,I wasn't given a role the next meeting the next Saturday in Fajar Sec.No role,no task,no blindfold Obstacles-Nothing.It felt like 2006 again,when I wasn’t given a chance to lead anything .I didn’t feel that there was enough talent on the roster to where they can afford to leave me off,and it really bothered me.
At GCM,parry said"I need Jun Yan and Seng Ann for NPC"
Zhen Wei's reaction took me aback."ok can,but I won't give you Seng Ann,I get you someone better"
I felt a lil better when Parry disagrees
I sat there in stunned silence,thinking “wow,where did all of these come from?so my boss feels that I can't lead or in this case,teach?”
I didn’t felt that I was very hard to work with or hard to get me leading,I just have a lot of confidence and courage to stand up for what I believed in.My band had given me the nickname AO Sengann,which stood for Always Opinionated ,and it fits me perfectly.Being AO was what helped me make it as far as I had,but being AO also bits me in the ass at times.
I probably had been better to be told to suck it up and stormed away,but I was left baffled. His words really pissed me off, and for the first time since I walked through the doors of the TFSG, I began to wonder if I really wanted to be there. I was having serious doubts about my position in the group as it was, and being told to “be replaced by "someone" better” by the boss certainly didn’t help my disposition. After six years on the job, maybe it was time to take a step back.
Shortly after Field day,I decided I was going to leave the FSG.Physically I was feeling fine, and after six straight years of Scouting, I’d never been seriously injured (besides injuring my back in 2008) nor had to take any time off.But mentally I was burned out.It was getting harder to reject my friend's outings to go to work voluntarily and it was getting increasingly more difficult to put together meetings. Normally I would go into a quiet corner somewhere and ideas for a meeting would pop into my head rapidly. Now I’d rack my brain for hours and only the most generic of ideas would come.
My drive and desire weren’t there like they used to be either, partially because I’d been painted with the scarlet letter of being a “Hell of a Hand,”. I once again felt like I’d gone down a rabbit hole and returned to 2006.If I was in the past scouting territory system, it would’ve been time to pack up my Caddy and move on to the next group. But now there was nowhere else to go, and even if there was, I wasn’t interested in scouting anymore. I wasn’t 100 percent mentally into it, and that’s a dangerous place to be. It makes it that much easier to get injured, and more important, it’s the source of a bad attitude. I was starting to complain more , and I didn’t want to become one of those guys.TFSG had been very good to me and I wasn’t going to start grumbling and whining about every little thing,setting a bad example and breeding unrest among the entire group, especially the younger guys.
Plus, I needed to get away to explore my other opportunities and interests. The cruel crew(my band) had offers to tour around Singapore, but I had no time to take advantage of them. I also wanted to get a place in Mediacorp so I could seriously study the art of acting. Most important, I have awesome friends whom I wanted to spend more time with.My "contract" is coming up in June and I had a few rovers who kept asking me about "re-signing" as a rover. I kept stalling and telling them I needed to think about it, but in my heart I already knew that for the first time in my life I didn’t want to be a part of this anymore.
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